


Lost

by fangirlingtodeath513



Series: Season 13 Codas [8]
Category: Supernatural, Wayward Sisters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s13e10 Coda, Episode: s13e10 Wayward Sisters, F/F, Grief, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e10 Wayward Sisters, grieving Claire Novak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingtodeath513/pseuds/fangirlingtodeath513
Summary: She watches Claire dart forward, watches Dean pull her back and push her through the portal, watches it close behind them and feels like she’s stuck in one of her nightmares. Claire thinks she’s dead.





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> There were to angles to this episode's coda that I wanted to take, one facing Claire's grief and one facing what the hell happened to Kaia. This is posted super late because I only had it half written before the new episode aired. 
> 
> This is unbeta-ed. Hope you enjoy!

She watches Claire dart forward, watches Dean pull her back and push her through the portal, watches it close behind them and feels like she’s stuck in one of her nightmares. Claire thinks she’s dead.

 

_Am I dead?_

 

She tries to move something, _anything_ , but it’s no good. Nothing’s cooperating, no part of her body is listening to her brain. She’s still conscious, she’s still _thinking_ , so she can’t be dead. Unless this is what happens when you die.

 

“You’re not dead.” The voice so close to her would’ve startled her if she could move. The hooded figure kneels next to her, pulling the spear out and tossing it aside. The scariest part is that it’s a voice she recognizes, a voice she’s heard every day for years and couldn’t place. The hooded figure helps her to her feet, helping her stay steady before pushing their hood down. “I tried to warn you, when you walked here. You weren’t supposed to come.”

 

It’s strange to look back at her own face. She’s not entirely sure how she didn’t realize it was her own voice talking to her in her dreams. She brushes it off in favor of taking the bandage from herself.

 

“Uh, thank you? I’m… Why am I still alive?” Bad Kaia flashes her a smile.

 

“It wasn’t my intention to kill you. That weapon is a stasis weapon, anyone or anything it pierces, it puts in a sort of… sleep mode. You can see and hear and feel everything happening around you, but you’re trapped in your own head. It doesn’t kill you, unless the person who got you is a really good aim.” Kaia nods slowly, watching Bad Kaia warily.

 

“Who… who are you?” Bad Kaia turns to look at her, her eyes roaming down and back up Kaia’s body.

 

“You. I’m you, I mean. You probably don’t remember it, but when you were young you dream walked here for the first time and a part of you got stuck here. Me. I don’t have the ability to dream walk, so I’m stuck here.” She nods slowly, not really understanding but not willing to push it any further.

 

“What were you trying to warn me about?” Bad Kaia sighs softly, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I can open portals to other worlds, but I can’t enter them. As soon as I touch them, they implode. There’s a world out there, an… alternate reality, I guess, where you came here to save those guys and got stuck here.” Bad Kaia huffs a quiet laugh, shaking her head. “Guess it’s this reality, now.”

 

“So… why were you holding the Winchesters hostage?”

 

“I was trying to keep them safe. They kept wandering too close to the monsters, the area I had them in is one where the monsters won’t go. I thought maybe if I kept them safe, it wouldn’t take you as long to find them and you’d be able to get out.”

 

“You threw a spear at us!” Bad Kaia shakes her head, leaning the spear against the wall.

 

“I was aiming for the portal, it would’ve kept it open until you all got through. But neither of us can open a functioning portal, so now you’re stuck here.”

 

The sickening sound of claws tearing through flesh is the next sound that hits Kaia’s ears and before she even realizes what’s happened, Bad Kaia is on the ground in front of her, and she’s face to face with another one of those monsters. Just like one of her dreams. This time, she doesn’t run. She doesn’t have anywhere to run _to_. Instead, she stands her ground and stares down the monster in front of her.

 

Evidently, the universe is on her side this time. A bright light glows between her and the monsters, and then Bad Kaia’s body is gone and she can feel a surge of power through her own body, her fingertips tingling with newfound power. She realizes she’s now wearing Bad Kaia’s coat over her clothes.

 

A smirk settles onto her lips when the monster backs away. She lets the power surge through her body for a moment before she turns and conjures a portal next to herself. She grabs the spear and steps through. Her feet land on soft, damp grass.

 

 **·     ·     ·**     ✤    **·     ·     ·**

 

A soft knock on her door forces Claire to look up from her journal. It’s probably Jody or Donna coming to check on her, maybe Alex coming to try to cheer her up. She shoves her journal under pillows, pushing herself off her bed and pulling her bedroom door open. The one person she _wasn’t_ expecting is standing in her doorway with his hands shoved in his pockets. She steps aside slowly, cocking an eyebrow at him.

 

“Thought you didn’t do feelings.” Dean rolls his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips as he steps into Claire’s room.

 

“So says Sam, anyways.” He closes the door gently, crossing his arms over his chest. He turns a look to her that’s nothing but pity, and it makes her want to claw her eyes out. It’s not something she should be pitied for, she fucked up. It’s her fault.  “Look, kiddo, I know how you’re feeling. I-”

 

“I really don’t think you do, Dean, so why don’t we just drop it?”

 

“I lost Cas. Over and over again, yeah, but this time…” His voice trails off, and the softness of his voice is what makes Claire finally look up at him.

 

“I didn’t know you two were…”

 

“We’re not. I haven’t told him anything. But I do know how you feel, how it feels to lose someone you have feelings for.” A protest rises in her throat, one that she would’ve used to protect herself if it was anyone else insinuating that she had feelings for another woman. She’s relieved she doesn’t need to here, she’s tired of hiding.

 

“This time? Cas is dead?” Dean smiles gently, clearing his throat softly.

 

“He was. Lucifer killed him with an angel blade. Saw his wings and everything. He, uh… He came back.” Claire nods slowly, dropping onto her bed.

 

“Good.” Dean nods, watching her for a moment before speaking again.

 

“It sucks. I know. I felt… everything was just empty. I didn’t care about anything, I didn’t even want to hunt. I couldn’t function. I even-” He clears his throat quietly, shuffling his feet. “I killed myself. It was for a case, yeah, but… it was more than that. There were other things we could’ve done but I just… I just did it. Didn’t even think twice.” Claire’s eyes widen, glued to Dean’s face. “It didn’t stick, obviously, but…” He shakes his head, running his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I just… I want you to know that you’re not the only person who’s felt this, and that I’m here if you need to talk. Even if you just want to forget for a little while. I don’t want you fucking up like I did.” She’s oddly touched, and shoots a grateful smile in his direction.

 

“I appreciate you telling me. I’m… I get what you mean. But this _was_ my fault. I could’ve saved her, if I’d had a plan-”

 

“It wasn’t your fault, Claire. I know it feels that way, but there were so many things out of your control before everything that happened.” He sits next to her on the bed with a soft sigh. “I know if feels like the world’s been ripped out from under you, but you’ve got a good thing here. Jody cares about you, Alex cares about you, Donna cares about you. You’ve got a support system here. Don’t hesitate to use it. I would’ve killed for _anyone_ to give a shit about me at your age.” Claire nods slowly, picking at her nail absentmindedly.

 

“I know. I just hate the way they look at me, like I’m gonna break at any second.” Dean smiles, bumping her shoulder gently with his.

 

“It’ll stop eventually. They care about you and they want what’s best, but if it’s making you uncomfortable, you gotta tell them.” Claire nods again, rubbing her face. Dean shifts, grabbing a business card from his pocket and jotting down a phone number on the back. “This is my emergency phone. It’s always on and charged and I’ll answer it unless I’m in the middle of a hunt. Call me if you need anything, Claire. Seriously.” She takes the card, holding it in her hands for a moment before nodding.

 

“I will. Thank you.” He smiles gently, nodding and standing. Claire pushes herself to her feet, latching onto Dean in a tight hug. He hugs her back, squeezing gently a minute later.

 

“You’re gonna be alright, kid. Promise ya.” Claire nods, swiping under her eyes quickly after she pulls away.

 

“Yeah. I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr [here(:](https://fangirlingtodeath513.tumblr.com/)
> 
> PLEASE DO NOT POST MY WORKS ANYWHERE BUT HERE OR TUMBLR WITHOUT MY EXPRESS PERMISSION.


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